Homesick

I definitely know what homesickness feels like. I’ve felt it on more than one occasion: when I moved into a boarding school at age 11, when I moved away from my father at age 12, when I moved away from my friends at age 13, and when I moved away to college at age 17. I felt homesick all of those times which is what makes it incredibly strange that when I move to another province entirely by myself at age 19 I’m not homesick at all.

I’ve been living by myself for about three weeks now (three and a half when this gets posted) and I have yet to feel an inkling of homesickness. I mean, I do miss my family and friends (and my dog especially) but I haven’t felt sad about not being able to see them. I’m not sure how to word it without sounding like a jerk but I kind of feel like “oh my family isn’t here, that sucks. It’d be cool if they were here but I don’t want to go back home because I like living here by myself.” I know, it sounds horrible. But it’s how I’ve been feeling since I moved here.

Its really strange because when I moved to university, I was still in the same city as my family. In fact, I was just a thirty minute drive away from them but I was wrought with anxious symptoms about moving away like shortness of breath and lack of sleep. I don’t know if I just got used to not seeing my family everyday while I lived at school that makes me feel this way or if I just like living by myself more than I like living with my family.

Not feeling homesick is a blessing in a way because it has helped me adjust to the new city better but sometimes I feel guilty about it. It’s hard not to wonder if it’s because I don’t love my family enough or something even though I know that isn’t the case. I’m sure some people have felt this way before. When I speak to them on the phone, it’s nice to hear from them, but I’m not sad when I hang up. It’s a really weird feeling. I just have to keep telling myself that it’s not because I’m a bad child and sister but because I’m just getting more independent. I still look forward to seeing my family when I go home, but I’m not sad when I’m here by myself.

Sorry if you expected this to teach you how to get over homesickness. It would have had I been feeling homesick, but I’m not so it won’t. I am curious to know if anyone else feels this way though so if you’re reading this, let me know how you cope with moving away from your family.

-Michelle

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